Where Did Stargrace Go?!
stargrace 
Welcome to the world, Leo.
I was scheduled for a c-section October 20th, my due date being October 27th – but Leo didn’t want to wait, and he decided to make an appearance September 23rd, 6:44pm. I was sitting at my desk reading a blog post by a friend when my water broke. He was 5 weeks early and had to stay at the NICU for 2 weeks, hooked up to machines and wires. I thought those would be the roughest part of this very early journey, but as we came home things were just getting started.
I still have a baby registry here for anyone who wants to help out or send little Leo a gift. My family lives far away and I’m feeling slightly overwhelmed with things as a brand new first time Mom to a preemie baby. I’m currently on some medication to help with postpartum depression. Things are certainly not easy. We’re managing, because that’s what humans are programmed to do, but I’m finding it difficult. I have a lot of guilt and shame over how difficult I find things, too. Everyone tells me this is normal, and that it will pass and get easier with time.
Leo was born at 4lbs 5oz. Just a tiny thing. He had a feeding tube for the first two weeks of his life. He’s now 4lbs 14oz, so he’s still very small but he’s getting bigger. Nothing prepared me for any of this, no matter how much I’ve read or how much I looked into everything. I also developed a complication from my c-section which is still ongoing today. I developed a hematoma that opened up and has been bleeding out since the 24th of September. On top of everything else this single incident has really taken its toll on me. It doesn’t hurt, but bleeding constantly 24/7 for so long means a lot of bandage changes, packing (think like a wisdom tooth needs to be packed) and ruining clothing with blood. Plus it’s along my incision, which is just in an awkward not-fun place.
Still. We carry on. Because we must. It’s what we do.