My first pregnancy was a really difficult one. There were flights to hospitals for neural tube tests, a lot of weight loss and sickness, and an under weight birth that was 5 weeks early. The difficulties continued as he developed colic that lasted a few months and lets just say he is a very stubborn child. I wouldn’t give it all up for anything, but they were not easy times. My husband had 8 months of paternity leave and without his support, there’s no way I would have survived.
My second pregnancy was a huge surprise after the issues we had with our first. It took us two years with help of fertility specialists the first time around. It was certainly different for our second. Healthy, no problems, but the history of my past always lurking in the background causing a lot of stress.
Now I’ve got 2 under 2, as the term goes, and I’m finding new difficulties. My husband only has three weeks off work instead of 8 months, and I’m healing from a c-section. We’re in a new town, in a new province, and have no support system set up. I still don’t drive (I was working on my beginners). How on earth am I going to survive and keep these precious children alive? That’s a question that honestly passes through my mind hourly at this stage, hence my decision to blog about it and get my feelings out. I suffered from horrible postpartum depression last pregnancy, and I’m terrified of going down the same road this time, too. I can’t be the mother I need to be if I can’t take care of myself.
This morning I told my husband to sleep in 2 hours, so I could handle the breakfast routine on my own and see how I do. He’s close by in case I need help, but I know that in just two weeks I’ll have to do this for real, and I want to know I can do it. Healing from my c-section is honestly the hardest part at this point. I’m sore. I can’t lift up my son for another 4 weeks, and he doesn’t understand what the heck is going on in his world.
I hope I can do it.
stargrace 
