The family got together and created a little gingerbread Christmas village – since my littles are 4.5 and 2.5 respectively, it was a ton of fun. Yes, they ended up eating more than was placed on the houses, but we all had a great time. Just a little tradition that I absolutely adore.
I know I’m sharing this a bit late, but we had our Canadian Thanksgiving Day a few weeks back, and this was the meal I prepared – along with miniature pumpkin pies. It was incredible. I decided to go with ham instead of a turkey, fresh cranberry sauce (there is no other way), stuffing, mashed yams & carrots, mashed potato, gravy, and buns.
I’m thankful for so very much.
I decided to play around a bit with DAZ and do some 3D rendering. I used to a long time ago, but it has been ages and I didn’t have any art assets any more. I keep thinking maybe I’d like to get back into art, and I know it takes practice – but I also have a LOT of hobbies (too many?) and finding time to do everything along with a 2 year old and a 4 year old, is pretty much impossible. Something has to give.
I sort of stumbled down a rabbit hole this week. A few tools that all work well together let me create some animated WoW pieces, which is tons of fun. Pictured above is WoW Model viewer, which can be used with WoW tools, and blender.
I really wish I had more time to play with this stuff.
When I look back on my life over the past 10 years, I’m astounded at how much has changed. I can honestly say that EVERY single aspect of my life is different than it was 10 years ago.
10 years ago I was in a relationship with a man who didn’t want children – we had been together almost 12 years. I didn’t know he didn’t want children. I very much wanted children. I always have. We finally came to an impasse, and I left the relationship. At the time I thought that was the most difficult decision I had ever made.
I then decided to move across the country, leaving behind family & friends to give a chance to a man I had known for the better part of a decade as a friend. I also got a job with Carbine Studios. Turns out it was meant to be, so five years ago I started dating the man, the job with Carbine lasted much shorter, I left after three years. A year after that, 4 years ago, we got married. Then we had our first kid. He joined the RCMP, and we moved from our home to a new province. We had our second kid. Then we moved again to a Northern isolated post. Nothern like there are no paved roads here. Groceries is a 6h round trip (minus the time to shop). Internet is 5mb/s maximum. It has been a difficult adjustment but not for the reasons I thought.
In between those times I started to teach myself to knit, I learned to code, I brushed up on my French, I bought an antique circular sock knitting machine and taught myself how to use it. I taught myself how to spin fiber into yarn. I’m currently learning how to use an electronic knitting machine from 1980. I started getting involved in the fiber community. We learned our son has autism.
I’ve never been so surrounded by people and yet felt so alone in my entire life. I never feel like I fit in. I never feel like I’m able to connect to people. I try, I try to learn about them and listen to issues and be there, but my time is so incredibly wrapped up around my children and my husband’s schedule that there isn’t a lot of time for ‘me’ in there, and when there is, no one is around.
I’ve been struggling very hard for the past four years. Having a child with special needs is difficult enough but remove all form of support, family, and friends and you’re left with startlingly little. I like to think I’m a strong woman but honestly, I’m not. I have been failing in everything I touch. That’s probably part of the reason I bounce around video games, I’m a jack of all trades and a master of none. I just can’t seem to settle down in any aspect of life.
Anyway, no real reason for this post, I just needed to get it out a bit. Life is hard. The pandemic stuff has been hard. I feel like every day is a struggle and even talking to people professionally about what is going on has not been helping because there’s just always SO MUCH going on. I try not to have regrets, but I definitely have regrets.
stargrace